So I quit my job. It was a long time coming. Countless nights of tears and fears that I wouldn't be able to support myself, and the question "what the heck am I doing?" racing through my head every day all day. I've been trying out a range of odd jobs lately: makeup here, hair there, costuming and babysitting to pass the time. Taking any damn job I can get my hands on. But it's hard. So hard. It's hard not knowing what you'll be doing this week or next, it's hard to promote yourself, to whore yourself out on social media (HEY CHECK OUT MY TUMBLR, INSTA AND WEBSITE WHILE YOU'RE AT IT) and most of all, hard to not know when you're getting paid. This whole process had made me realize a lot about myself, my life, my relationships and what I want out of all of them. So let's start with my reasons WHY?
I initially wanted to quit so I could say 'screw everything, I'm moving to Guam!' ...but there's a lot that goes into that sentence...like where exactly IS Guam? What language do they speak there again? And dang, I should have paid more attention to Mrs. Dyer's geography lessons. The fact of the matter is I wanted to run. Run away from responsibility, structure, predictability, and life, as I knew it, really. I wanted to live a little. A lot. Hard (Lampo, J).
Next I wanted to quit so I could be a full-time freelance Stylist. Currently, that phrase is becoming more redundant than a reality, but I'm working on it. (Cue Iggy Azalea's 'Work' on repeat.) Trying to figure out my strengths and my weaknesses is a little unnerving, and like this entire process, hard as hell...but I'm slowly discovering my truest self. And I don't know if there's anything scarier and more comforting than that.
Most recently however, I wanted to quit so I could finally do the one thing I know I'm good at: dig through countless racks of unwanted, orphaned apparel for shiny vintage gems and sell them online. Yea I know, everybody's doing it. You're basically not a Stylist in Richmond if you don't have your own Etsy...well, HERE I AM WORLD: FANCY CLANCY VINTAGE AT YOUR SERVICE. I had the epiphany when I was thrifting with my Mom, something I haven't done in ages. I was so inspired by the amazing vintage dresses I was finding, one after the other, I felt it was nothing short of my duty to share them with the world. I literally haven't felt that way about clothing since high school when dress code restrictions forced me to create ways to make my uniform unique. (I turned my grody uniform pullover sweatshirt into an embroidered cardigan and it's probably one of my finer accomplishments.) At that moment though, my inner saleswoman flame started burning and I fought the primal urge to run up to shoppers and burst, "Excuse me ma'am, DO YOU SEE THIS SHIT? THIS DRESS IS BANGIN IT WOULD LOOK SO GOOD ON YOU!!!" Since I can't (or shouldn't, rather) harass strangers on the street, I decided finally to open my own online shop. Possibly the one (and only) thing I miss about retail is the customer connection. There is nothing more satisfying then picking out the perfect dress for a woman who didn't know she could look so hot, and making her cry tears of joy and self acceptance. Accomplishing this goal will most likely prove difficult over the Internet, but I hope to achieve this effect by curating a balanced and well-edited collection of apparel and accessories--never selling anything I wouldn't feel comfortable purchasing myself. Honesty is the best form of salesmanship y'all.
So that's my newest adventure. We'll see how it goes. I'm not expecting fireworks at first, if there's one lesson I've from this freelance experiment so far, it's that these things take time. And I'm okay with that for now, cause God knows I got all the time in the world.